tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661426999359184652.post7338756168401150274..comments2023-09-21T01:02:17.672-07:00Comments on Scriptwrangler: The 17-Syllable Script ExerciseRich Schimpfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06916335793663791182noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661426999359184652.post-51896903733375198372007-04-28T19:54:00.000-07:002007-04-28T19:54:00.000-07:00Garrett drops the hagis into the box with a PLOP.G...Garrett drops the hagis into the box with a PLOP.<BR/><BR/>GARRETT<BR/>Is this to go?<BR/><BR/>Felcher grins and snatches a handful of ketchup packets.<BR/><BR/>FELECHER<BR/>Nope.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661426999359184652.post-15054583530850170452007-04-24T13:57:00.000-07:002007-04-24T13:57:00.000-07:00I like it! Strong use of visual. The directness ...I like it! Strong use of visual. The directness that the characters speak with suggest that they're close friends, and more than just your average drinking buddies.Rich Schimpfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06916335793663791182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7661426999359184652.post-89127556200779254472007-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:002007-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:00Here is my stab, based on one of Santoka haikus fr...Here is my stab, based on one of Santoka haikus from the link you posted:<BR/><BR/>Jake, grizzled barkeep, wipes down a bar that won't come clean. Winken, Blinken, and Santoka are at the counter. Jake stops and stares out a window to a HOWLING dust storm.<BR/><BR/> JAKE<BR/> Unpleasant days.<BR/> <BR/> WINKEN<BR/> Days I don't walk.<BR/><BR/>Blinken toys with an empty glass.<BR/> <BR/> BLINKEN<BR/> Days without booze.<BR/><BR/>Santoka, haggard beggar, glances up from a weathered wooden bowl.<BR/><BR/> SANTOKA<BR/> Haikuless days.janishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01525232121252788435noreply@blogger.com