I did get permission from Paul Watsky, a notable San Francisco poet and translator, to publish his version of the Santoka haiku:
The road's so straight it's lonely
If you're interested in reading more, check out the book, Santoka, translated by Emiko Miyashita and Paul Watsky, published by PIE Books, Tokyo, 2006. You can find a copy at Kinokuniya Books in San Francisco's Japantown, or online at Barnes and Noble's website.
Showing posts with label Santoka. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Santoka. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
The 17-Syllable Script Exercise
An old writing buddy of mine cajoled me into taking part in a poetry reading the other day. I haven't written poetry on a regular basis in years, but she wanted me to read some stuff she liked and remembered. I was terrified, but managed not to embarrass myself too badly on a card with several other far more experienced poets.
One of the poets read some translations he'd made of the Japanese haiku master Santoka. He read one in particular, which went something like this: Why is a road lonelier without curves?
I'll post his translation if he gets back to me and allows it. I found some other translations online, but they didn't seem to catch the essential hook here -- the idea that a straight road is somehow lonelier than a curved one. Somehow curves keep a road company. It doesn't make much sense if you try to explain it, of course. That's why it's good.
What struck me was just how visual haiku can be, and how close it is to screenwriting in many ways. In case you don't know, haiku is typically a poem made up of three lines, with five, seven, and then five syllables to them. They evoke a strong sense of place with as few words as possible.
It's that economy that allows a haiku to feel so clean, so immediate, so real. A novelist could try to add something like this to his work, but it would inevitably end up functioning as characterization, or an internal thought, or something somehow... mediated.
What happens in a screenplay? First, we have a huge advantage here. We can put that lonely road on screen. We can rely on that reality being immediate and visual. And we put some characters walking down it. One says:
We get to be immediate and we can develop our characters at the same time.
Just like haiku, our goal is to be evocative rather than just descriptive. We need to inspire the reader to engage their own creativity, rather than try to just paint a picture on the page. We've got a broad canvas, and the key is to be sparing with your brushstrokes.
So many screenwriters make the mistake of writing a novel where they need a haiku. Let's try adding a few choice details here, and see just what we can do with our lonely road.
George, 49, carries his daughter MAIZIE (6) on his shoulders as they walk a barren stretch of road. He holds an empty gas can in his hand.
The dialogue tells us volumes about the father-daughter relationship. Now try this one:
Maizie pulls her coat around her against the breeze.
One of the poets read some translations he'd made of the Japanese haiku master Santoka. He read one in particular, which went something like this: Why is a road lonelier without curves?
I'll post his translation if he gets back to me and allows it. I found some other translations online, but they didn't seem to catch the essential hook here -- the idea that a straight road is somehow lonelier than a curved one. Somehow curves keep a road company. It doesn't make much sense if you try to explain it, of course. That's why it's good.
What struck me was just how visual haiku can be, and how close it is to screenwriting in many ways. In case you don't know, haiku is typically a poem made up of three lines, with five, seven, and then five syllables to them. They evoke a strong sense of place with as few words as possible.
It's that economy that allows a haiku to feel so clean, so immediate, so real. A novelist could try to add something like this to his work, but it would inevitably end up functioning as characterization, or an internal thought, or something somehow... mediated.
What happens in a screenplay? First, we have a huge advantage here. We can put that lonely road on screen. We can rely on that reality being immediate and visual. And we put some characters walking down it. One says:
GEORGE
Why's a straight road always so lonely?MAIZIE
No curves to keep it company, I guess.We get to be immediate and we can develop our characters at the same time.
Just like haiku, our goal is to be evocative rather than just descriptive. We need to inspire the reader to engage their own creativity, rather than try to just paint a picture on the page. We've got a broad canvas, and the key is to be sparing with your brushstrokes.
So many screenwriters make the mistake of writing a novel where they need a haiku. Let's try adding a few choice details here, and see just what we can do with our lonely road.
George, 49, carries his daughter MAIZIE (6) on his shoulders as they walk a barren stretch of road. He holds an empty gas can in his hand.
GEORGE
Why's a straight road always so lonely?MAIZIE
No curves to keep it company, I guess.The dialogue tells us volumes about the father-daughter relationship. Now try this one:
GEORGE
Why's a straight road always so lonely?MAIZIE
No curves to keep it company, I guess.Maizie pulls her coat around her against the breeze.
GEORGE
What's the matter?
MAIZIE
Nothing's the matter.
Maizie's accidentally said something flirtatious, and confirms this when she unconsciously tries to cover her body.
Maizie's accidentally said something flirtatious, and confirms this when she unconsciously tries to cover her body.
MAIZIE
Why's a straight road always so lonely?GEORGE
No curves to keep it company, I guess.MAIZIE
Not in a million years, George.
They walk on in silence. A mile down the road, the red neon sign of the DEW DROP INN flashes against the horizon.
You got yourself a vision of a longtime friendship. You understand the rules, get an idea of their past, and the probable central conflict between them.
If you find a moment like that, let it speak for itself. Use it, but never, ever explain it.
Try it yourself! I'm going to suggest using these two lines of dialogue:
They walk on in silence. A mile down the road, the red neon sign of the DEW DROP INN flashes against the horizon.
You got yourself a vision of a longtime friendship. You understand the rules, get an idea of their past, and the probable central conflict between them.
If you find a moment like that, let it speak for itself. Use it, but never, ever explain it.
Try it yourself! I'm going to suggest using these two lines of dialogue:
CHARACTER #1
Is this to go?
CHARACTER #2
Nope.
If you'd prefer, try one inspired by Santoka himself. You can find some decent translations of his haiku here. Look at how they evoke a very particular sensation. Find one you like, and play.
Feel free to post what you come up with in the comments.
If you'd prefer, try one inspired by Santoka himself. You can find some decent translations of his haiku here. Look at how they evoke a very particular sensation. Find one you like, and play.
Feel free to post what you come up with in the comments.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
